Life Mistakes……. My Story

Life Mistakes……. My Story

You know, I resigned from my job on May 1st 2009 because of something my director accused me of doing that was a great insult. Before I get into the nature of that let me explain to you about who I am and what lead me to be this way. I am from a family of twelve, six boys and six girls. We were poor but I didn’t notice it because my father always fed us and clothed us. My father worked every day for Chrysler because he had two sets of children whom he cared for until they reached the age of either eighteen or they moved out due to his strict rules. He paid child support almost until he was in his late fifty’s. I admired my father even though he was very stern in his way of disciplining all of us. I observed that my father did not take any mess from his kids when they made mistakes whether in school or out in the neighborhood. My father was truly respected in and around our community while I was growing up. He would cut the neighbors grass, shovel everyone’s sidewalk in the winter and rake leaves during the fall. My mother and father divorced when I was about ten or eleven years of age and before that time my mother rarely spoke. I did not know my mother was hearing impaired until later on in the following years… I didn’t know that my mother and her mother didn’t get along nor any of the family secrets until I was in my late teens. Well, when my father and mother divorced my mother lost control of my older sister then me then my younger sister because we thought we could get around things if no one saw us, call it being sneaky. But, what we didn’t realize is that as a child grows into adulthood those tricks we were playing and how they are formed were mastered way before we were even born. Our parents were watching for those patterns in us and let some slide and others we had to be punished for. Our parents grew up with those same patterns and master those skills. My mother had such skills and I did not want to give her credit so I rebelled, dropped out of school, and ran off with my thug associates. Well, just as most kids or teens growing up in Detroit with that same “I don’t think anyone is as slick as me “ state of mind pattern I fell victim to the drug game. This lead me into street gangs, fights, carrying hand guns, carrying shot guns, shoot outs, sleeping in my friends basements because I did not have anywhere to go, sex, sex orgy’s, stealing, roaming around with other teens at night, and then, paddling drugs to feed myself and a way to stay warm and within shelter, I was thirteen years of age then. When I was sixteen I use to do this slick minded stuff until the courts ruled that lowing the age to send kids to prison was needed. I took notice to that right away, which forced me to believe that I wasn’t a gangster after all or did not want to be that type of gangster. So while no one was looking or paying attention at the age of seventeen or eighteen I signed up for the Michigan National Guards and went off to Fort Benning, Georgia, School of Infantry, for infantry training and Advance Infantry training. The Army boot camp taught me how to respect others, consider what others were saying, think before you speak, learn from your mistakes, to pick yourself up, keep moving on, never quit or know when to quit when the odds are too great for you to win by yourself or shall I say retreat. Well, some of those values stuck and the most important ones didn’t. So any way, after I reported into my National Guard unit and a few months had passed I began to slip and show patterns of my gangster old ways. So, slowly I began to associate with some of the most hard core thugs or gangsters in and around the Dexter/Calvert/Collingwood area which soon was seen that I was around just for the ride and glamour and not for what the game was worth. Animosity arose about leadership status, who owes who money, tricking money on girls whose only entertainment was to show off that they had a “Baller”, and going to strip clubs. Sellers began using the drugs that they were suppose to sell, robbing dope houses became the hustle of choice for those whose ticket money became too great to pay off. So, soon with nowhere else to go and not wanting to go back to a house that my mother was still trying to structure, I left the game all together, went back to school, graduated, and joined the Marines. Marine boot camp put things into perspective for me, it was really tuff. I thought that Army boot camp was hard and it was, but, the Army boot camp and Marines psychological training joined with the motivational stress training was like throwing lambs to lions.
I was glad Marine boot camp was over and I seen once I went back to the hood in Detroit that things were getting worse and I didn’t want to be part of that sort of thing anymore.
While in the Marines I was stationed with many combat units, liberty units, toured overseas, and made some mistakes. I was able to regroup before the situation got to tight or out of hand and escaped by the skins of my teeth. Women have always been my weakness, from the first time I was exposed to sex in my early teens to my adulthood which I carried into my military career. As far back as I could remember I always admired the men, who had beautiful women standing next to them, dressed in expensive suits or attire, appeared in the most popular men fashion magazines, and those men whom spent money around women as if money was no object. I also noticed that these same men had so much control over how the black women thought, which inspired them to be who they were, how they composed their lives, and how the black women who obtained such level appeared to be happy with their lives. I’ve seen how the black woman sought after the dreams that the successful powerful white men spread out before them, education, savings, homes, businesses, and other such luxuries. All of that fascinated me and I wanted that same status quo. So, I made a promise to myself to be like that or appear to be that person was on the outside. It didn’t dawn on me that education and financial stability was an important factor in all of these successful appearances. Why? Because it isn’t shown in the magazines that proper preparation through proper education and financial planning is a tool in becoming successfully stable. And if you had all of that some still did not achieve that same wealth and failed or remained in mediocre job positions. How these men became who they were or how they made their money was not pasted in the description. It wasn’t shown that some of these white successful men possibly had parents who prepared for their success and placed them into the world that I was seeing….. So, I made and spent money foolishly and still do today.

Now, back to the work situation, I posted information that was sent to me from our company pertaining public sites and business news which was distributed for anyone to see. I then received that information via company email and posted it on one my blogs. Once it was noticed that I was doing that my supervisor, manager, and director called me into the office and confronted me about it. It didn’t bother me about what I was accused of doing but what did both me is that these individuals had the nerve to accuse me of doing something that everyone else was doing I later found out. My department leaders or shall I say those who are within the first three levels above me have a serious professional problem. I have noticed this problem from the very first day I reported in ten years ago but ignored the signs and thought it was just a phase since I was new. But when the incidents came up over and over again I started to outright ignore them when I should have complained or should have gone to human resources. So, when I was approached and they insinuated that I had stolen or retrieved company information that was available for public online viewing I was insulted. So, after thinking about what the recourse may have been I decided to resign instead of risking the fate of being fired for something that was unrelated in the future. They tried to talk me out of resigning and explained that it wasn’t that serious. What stayed in my mind is how they approached me. If it wasn’t that serious then why did they not tell me that in the beginning instead of dragging me into an embarrassing meeting in front of management? I know that if I would have stay that incident would have came up and that would have been the catapult for dismissing me. Now, I have left my job and everything seems so compressed. I have applied for 300+ jobs and I don't know what to do... Bills are piling up but not exactly due.... but they are coming in..... my ex- will not lower the child support and I just got a letter from the Friend of the Court about a outstanding balance that isn't that much but will grow...... My rent is due and I don't know where I am going to get the money from..... I have a job possibility but they said that I will get a call within two to three weeks...... Man, the life I seen when I was younger is a lot different close up....... I know that I will make it I am a strong man and hustler like that but I just don't want to go out that way anymore..... Life is really pushing me out there....... I know that once I fall to far back on my child support which I have paid for the last 18 years on time is over looked once I am in arrears..... And they said that it is a felony to avoid paying it so I must go down and talk to them about my situation..... Man, I will be glad when my son turns eighteen in January...... His mother will be in such a shock when the money will not be in her hands anymore....


I know that this is a long story but I need your advice…….